OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!

Apple announced today that it is releasing new models of the iPod. They will come in different colors and have touch screens and transfer music wirelessly and cure aids and walk your dog and bring world peace and resurrect the dead and stop identify theft and take out the garbage and relieve network congestion and make the last three Star Wars movies suck less and get Sonny and Cher back together again (see resurrect the dead above) and mow your lawn and overthrow the communist regime of China and find Bin Laden and win the war on terror and control the presidency from behind the scenes and do your homework and polish your shoes and improve your SAT scores and cure world hunger and stop teenage pregnancy and iron your turtlenecks and feed your cat and stop illegal immigration and lower the price of gasoline and get rid of that not so fresh feeling and stop acid indigestion and help you quit smoking and free Tibet and remove stubborn grass stains and stop bridge collapses and stop global warming and save the whales and prevent ED and stop hard water buildup in the tub and prevent forest fires and get you dates and sell no wine before its time and be in yourz fridge stelingz your foodz and take a licking but keep on ticking. Hmm, I wonder if they still play music?