Cure for Insomnia


I've found the ultimate cure for insomnia. Unfortunately its being applied to me against my will. Its a show called Simply Quilts on HGTV. As you may have guessed from the title, its about quilts, quilts and the people that are passionate about quilts. Passion and quilts, not two words I would ever expect to be used together, unless you just happen to mention that there was a quilt on the bed during a passionate encounter. Nothing so exicitng on this show however. The most scintillating thing to happen in this valium of the airwaves is people use two different stitches on the same piece of fabric, or perhaps the really wild guests will place different colored stripes next to each other.

None of this would matter to me, except my wife quilts. So not only has most of my house been taken over by bins of fabric (none of which is ever right for the project at hand, so even more fabric must be constantly acquired, but thats a different rant), but a hefty chuck of recording space on my TIVO has been sacrificed to tape the multiple episodes of this show that are on each day. I'm completely amazed, and more than a little frightened, by the fact that they can find that many people that want to go on national television and talk about quilts. My wife then sits at the sewing table (which was actually suppose to be a dining table, but is too covered with fabric sewing mahcines, and her various books and papers to ever consider eating at, but thats another rant) and watches these shows, while taking notes. This means she has to pause and rewind often to make sure she gets all the really juicy bits down. The only thing worse than sitting through one of these shows, is sitting through it three times so she can glean every little nuance of the esoteric art of sewing pieces of cloth together with some padding in the middle from each and every episode.

If it was just an hour of television I didn't want to watch it would be asy enough to go to another room, but she stretches the 1-2 hours per day of this stuff into 4 and 5 hours, that's simply too long to hide in my own house. Every time I leave the computer room to get a Pepsi from the fridge I nearly slip into a coma by the time I make it through the living room.

I never wanted to know where all the people that were too boring to be insurance salesmen ended up, but now I do.